Short story

I had finally done it. Sure I had thought about it before over the years. Considered what it would be like. But this had been the first time I had actually gotten up enough nerve. Well that part wasn’t even true. I just couldn’t take it any more. I realized that I didn’t have that many more years left on this earth but I just couldn’t bare knowing that I would be spending them with him. I was finally rid of him. No more listening to that fat, hoarse, raspy voice. It was over. Sure I would have to finish out the rest of my “golden years” without him. Who ever came up with those two words anyway? Tell me what had been so golden about the last 10 years.

Sure it had been great in the beginning at least I’m sure it had to have been why else would we have been together for so long. My memory wasn’t what it use to be. I do remember though when it started to get bad. Once the grandkids were grown and we were both retired from our jobs. All we had in our lives were each other and we had started to find out that that wasn’t so great. We didn’t enjoy one another’s company and had started to wonder if we ever had. We had doctor visits and bingo to keep us busy for the most part. But after that it was long drawn out days where all I had to keep me company was him.

I’m sure living with me was no picnic either but in the end I had been the one to finally put an end to it. I just couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. There was nothing appealing to the sight after all these years. The loose flesh dangling around his neck like some kind of farm animal. The pallid skin and deep sunken eyes. His back had started to curve several years back and he moved around with his walker talon like hands gripping the sides. I tried not to think about how disgusting he had become. I tried removing my spectacles whenever I had to look directly at him. But, since I was a couple of years younger than he I had to help him bathe and believe you me you don’t want to know what that was like.

I’m not saying that I was that great to look at especially when I took my clothes off. My face not so bad. I still had my makeup and my creams. But every where else nothing was where it should be. I couldn’t even use the excuse of having had two children anymore old age had taken it’s toll of my body as well. But he didn’t have to see me naked and it wasn’t like I actually wanted him to touch me those feelings had been dead along time ago even before I had found the thought of those birdlike hands touching me to be revolting.

They say we resort to our former childlike selves become infant like in our old age. Well I gave birth to two babies and not once was I disgusted when I had to bathe them. When we were planning for retirement I had no idea that we should have included a live in nurse in our budget someone who would get paid to help feed, clothe, bathe, and wipe his disgusting backside every other day. It wasn’t like he was an invalid it seemed more like he felt that is what I was here for. He did go to the bathroom on his own it just didn’t appear to be able to get himself very clean after having had a bowel movement. Not that he ever had been. I can’t remember the countless times I found skid marks in his underwear over the years. Offering advice on the matter had been useless and back then I could afford to throw them out. Now I was stuck with cleaning the underwear and the thing that created the problem.

I guess now that I think about it our budget had included money for a live in nurse. Me. I was the nurse, the housekeeper, the driver. I was all those thing and so much more, so much for the golden years. Well now that was a thing of the past. When I woke up this morning I decided before I even looked up to see what time it was. I decided that this would be the last day. No more nurse maid. As he lay there sleeping beside me I thought about how easy it would be to end it all and before I knew what I was doing I had the extra pillow in my hand and I was placing it across his face. He only struggled for a minute as if I might have startled him awake but in realizing what I was doing he knew it was time. I am sure that he probably had known this day had been coming. It had been no secret that I had tired of him. I had never been one to keep how I was feeling inside.

Suffocating him had been easy. Getting him wrapped up in plastic wrap and getting him into the freezer had been the real trick. Since I had been helping him in and out of the tub all these years I hadn’t exactly been wasting away all this time. I managed to get him wrapped up and since he didn’t weigh as much as he had in his prime I managed to get him out of bed, straddle him across his walker and wheel him into to the pantry where we kept our deep freezer. Once I was able to get him in there was plenty of room for him since we no longer used it. Since all of our family had moved away there really wasn’t any reason to keep a deep freezer fully stocked. I did remember to plug it up though, didn’t want any foul smells arousing the neighbors suspicions. Especially that nosy Ms. Carter next door.

I would of course have to buy some things to fill the freezer up now to cover up what I had done. Couldn’t exactly leave him lying there out in the open in case some one were to open it. Though for the life of me I don’t know who that someone would be. It’s not like we had any visitors. The children had moved away years ago and called once a week to check in on us. Lousy ingrates. If it wasn’t for me they wouldn’t be alive to live the lives that kept them too busy to visit their parents. If me or their father dropped dead tomorrow they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Half way across the world. No one would even know we were dead.