I knew that I had to take some extra money to buy groceries I would not have normally bought to fill up the freezer but the money I would not be using for prescriptions and doctor visits would more than make up the difference. I course I wouldn’t need to buy anything fancy I just needed to make sure he was covered up.
And you know what I think I would treat myself to lunch and not only that I would wear something nice take a little extra time to pin my hair up. Wasn’t like I needed to hurry to get anywhere or hurry to get back. Wow this was turning out to be one of the best decisions I had ever made.
I mean when I woke up this morning and did what I did I was only thinking of the short term. I never thought of how good my life could actually be. I know it wasn’t as if it was something I did on the spur of the moment. Sure I had thought about doing it secretly off and on over the years but it had only been fantasy something to get me through the tough times when having to take care of him had really started wearing down on me. I never really thought I would actually do it. But now that I had I think these last years might actually turn out to be golden after all.
What would I wear? Too bad I couldn’t go out and buy myself something. That was definitely not in the budget. Maybe if I won at Bingo this week I could maybe use it on me for a change and treat myself to something. Something new. Not something off the rack at the Goodwill which I had detested having to do. I know that I’m not better than anyone else but I had hated what my life had been reduced to these last few years. I hated having to buy my clothes from a thrift store knowing they had been worn by someone else. Just thinking of what the last person that had worn them might have been doing in them. Or that fact that they maybe might have even died in them.
I had even detested the store itself. The smell of it turned my stomach and there were times I even found myself retching. The smell reminded me of a funeral parlor. Stale and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I could only stand to be there for maybe thirty minutes at a time. If the lines were to long I would leave and return another day.
I had tried to go to different thrift stores but they all seem to smell the same. The odor assaulted you as soon as you opened the door and there just seemed to be no way of getting around it. Even when I brought them home the smell lingered in the clothes and on me.
When I got them home I threw them in the washer and washed them in the hottest temperature the washer would allow at least three or four times making sure to use fabric softener in every wash. I would then scrub my hands until they were red because I had had to handle them. It had been the same for his clothes as well if I had not had to handle them I would not have cared. But since I had been the one to dress him it only made since. By the time we had gotten around to wearing them the were dull and lifeless much like the thrift store the had been purchased from.
He had not liked my treatment of the clothes he complained how the smell of fabric softener had been excessive but what could he do about it? Wasn’t like he could wash clothes he couldn’t wash himself. Besides there had to be some compromise in a relationship. I gave up the foods I loved to eat, I gave up being happy, and he had to suffer the strong scent of the clothes he wore. Besides he only had to endure it the first time I brought them home. What I had given up had lasted for years.
But I do remember I came upon a rare find the last time I had gone to buy clothes I found a dress that still had the tags on them from when they had been purchased at the store. I of course I washed it when I got home but only once to get the scent out of them. I had even tried it on at the store to make sure it fit before I purchased it. Something I never did. I don’t know how many clothes I had purchased over the years only to return them to the thrift store because they had not fit me because I refused to try them on before hand.
Who would have thought when I lay down last night that today would have turned out to be perfect. It was only 9 o’clock in the morning and it was turning out to be the best day of my life. I couldn’t wait to see what the rest of the day had in store for me.
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