Sunday, March 25, 2012
Help! Someone. Anyone
I have been in a slump over the last couples of days which is unlike me. Usually I am down and within an hour or so I've shaken it off and found something to smile about. Walked outside and saw something so breathtaking I just had to wonder in amazement at God's beautiful earth. Or my son did something that made me look at him and wonder how I could have created something so awesome. We just celebrated his 1st birthday Saturday and I got my wish of having my family all there to help celebrate. And it was a good day with laughs and sharing stories but before the party started I was in a slump. And when I woke up Sunday morning it had returned. Nothing is working. Not finding all the things I love or looking at all the things I have to be grateful for. I haven't felt this low in awhile and I need something to happen to bring me out of it. But I'm sure something is coming just around the corner. Usually that is what happens when I begin to feel this way. Just hate I have to ever feel this way. But as I have been hearing lately. How would you ever know you were happy if you had nothing to compare it to. Any who just needed to vent and since I own a laptop with a keypad with letter printed on it that help me to spell words I figured why not.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Yes the dress was perfect. And I had even found a pair of shoes one of the kids had sent me awhile back that went with it perfectly. Shoes that I had complained about at the time. Thinking it to have been a thoughtless gift considering we never went anywhere. But now they were the perfect accessory to my perfect day. I had even taken the time to put my hair up and put in a couple of colorful pins to match. Looking in the mirror I actually liked the person looking back at me.
It had been years since I had really taken the time to look at myself and I didn’t look too bad in my old age especially when I took the time to make myself presentable. Of course the many wrinkles that lined my face were evidence that I was not a woman in my prime. But they did not tell the whole story. I think that anyone guessing my age would miss it by a few years.
This was nice though. Sitting here taking the time to enjoy my day. Having a little me time. I had kind of lost sight of me over the years. I had been mother, then worker, and even after retirement it seemed as though I quickly took on the job as caregiver. Now here I was just me. A woman with no responsibilities other than to make myself happy from this day forward.
Maybe if I had taken the time after finishing high school to maybe travel the world instead of marrying a man that I had eventually detested in the end maybe my life would have been better. At least I would have had something to look back on pictures I could have looked at to reminisce over. They only pictures that filled the photo album now were ones of he and I and those ungrateful kids I had given birth to. Once they graduated college their were no more pictures to fill the photo album. They never sent any. Maybe there was a reason they stayed away. They probably didn’t enjoy my company any more than I enjoyed theirs. But oh well they had their lives to live and now I had mine. Time to head out and get my day started. I know Mrs. Nosy Carter was probably lurking somewhere wondering why I hadn’t left the house yet. I’m sure all us old folks probably got our Social Security checks on the same day and was probably wondering why I hadn’t left to cash it yet especially since she probably knew my schedule better than I did.
And I guess since she always promised to keep an eye out on my husband while I was out. Well I wouldn’t be needing her services today. Or any other day for that matter.
Yep and just as I expected Mrs. Carter standing at my front door with her knuckles raised just about to knock as I opened the door.
“Hello might I help you with something?’
“Oh hello.” she said a bit startled.
I guess she had wanted to be the one to have surprised me.
“I was just noticing the time and saw that you car was still in the parking lot and knew you usually would have already left for the day. I was just coming by to make sure everything was okay.”
“Yes everything is fine. Thank you for asking.”
I noticed that she had begun to notice me. Giving special attention to my dress the shoes I was wearing and to me the hair pilled up on my head. She looked at me and smiled but I could also tell she was trying to come up on her own with a reason for my new change one that would sound a whole lot better than the explanation I was about to give her. Something to share with the other women at Bingo.
“Well don’t you look nice to day.” “The two of you have something big planned today?” “I guess you won’t be needing me to look after him for you today.” she asked while looking over my shoulder trying to peer through the house looking for him when she noticed he was not behind me.
“As a matter of fact I do have something planned but it will be by myself.” “My husband left for a couple of weeks to be with his brother so I won’t be needing your help for awhile.” That was all the information she would be getting out of me I’m sure she would be more than happy to make up the rest.
But of course she had more questions as she followed me to the car.
“Oh he left.” “I don’t remembering seeing him leave or noticing you having any visitors.”
“Oh no.” “Well” I said as I closed the door behind me “It probably happened while you were minding someone else’s business.”
And with that I backed out of the parking lot and drove away. The look on her face was priceless. She stood there with her mouth open dumbfounded. I am sure she never expected something like that to ever come from me. I am sure I would regret it eventually, but, right now I barely keep the car in my lane I was laughing so hard tears were pouring out of my eyes.
It had been years since I had really taken the time to look at myself and I didn’t look too bad in my old age especially when I took the time to make myself presentable. Of course the many wrinkles that lined my face were evidence that I was not a woman in my prime. But they did not tell the whole story. I think that anyone guessing my age would miss it by a few years.
This was nice though. Sitting here taking the time to enjoy my day. Having a little me time. I had kind of lost sight of me over the years. I had been mother, then worker, and even after retirement it seemed as though I quickly took on the job as caregiver. Now here I was just me. A woman with no responsibilities other than to make myself happy from this day forward.
Maybe if I had taken the time after finishing high school to maybe travel the world instead of marrying a man that I had eventually detested in the end maybe my life would have been better. At least I would have had something to look back on pictures I could have looked at to reminisce over. They only pictures that filled the photo album now were ones of he and I and those ungrateful kids I had given birth to. Once they graduated college their were no more pictures to fill the photo album. They never sent any. Maybe there was a reason they stayed away. They probably didn’t enjoy my company any more than I enjoyed theirs. But oh well they had their lives to live and now I had mine. Time to head out and get my day started. I know Mrs. Nosy Carter was probably lurking somewhere wondering why I hadn’t left the house yet. I’m sure all us old folks probably got our Social Security checks on the same day and was probably wondering why I hadn’t left to cash it yet especially since she probably knew my schedule better than I did.
And I guess since she always promised to keep an eye out on my husband while I was out. Well I wouldn’t be needing her services today. Or any other day for that matter.
Yep and just as I expected Mrs. Carter standing at my front door with her knuckles raised just about to knock as I opened the door.
“Hello might I help you with something?’
“Oh hello.” she said a bit startled.
I guess she had wanted to be the one to have surprised me.
“I was just noticing the time and saw that you car was still in the parking lot and knew you usually would have already left for the day. I was just coming by to make sure everything was okay.”
“Yes everything is fine. Thank you for asking.”
I noticed that she had begun to notice me. Giving special attention to my dress the shoes I was wearing and to me the hair pilled up on my head. She looked at me and smiled but I could also tell she was trying to come up on her own with a reason for my new change one that would sound a whole lot better than the explanation I was about to give her. Something to share with the other women at Bingo.
“Well don’t you look nice to day.” “The two of you have something big planned today?” “I guess you won’t be needing me to look after him for you today.” she asked while looking over my shoulder trying to peer through the house looking for him when she noticed he was not behind me.
“As a matter of fact I do have something planned but it will be by myself.” “My husband left for a couple of weeks to be with his brother so I won’t be needing your help for awhile.” That was all the information she would be getting out of me I’m sure she would be more than happy to make up the rest.
But of course she had more questions as she followed me to the car.
“Oh he left.” “I don’t remembering seeing him leave or noticing you having any visitors.”
“Oh no.” “Well” I said as I closed the door behind me “It probably happened while you were minding someone else’s business.”
And with that I backed out of the parking lot and drove away. The look on her face was priceless. She stood there with her mouth open dumbfounded. I am sure she never expected something like that to ever come from me. I am sure I would regret it eventually, but, right now I barely keep the car in my lane I was laughing so hard tears were pouring out of my eyes.
Mind over Matter
I have been working with the New Age idea, or at least new to most of us, of making appear in my life the things I want and need out of life by believing first in God's ability in making anything and everything possible and also by visualizing what I want. So far there have been unexpected things that I am grateful that have appeared in my life and regardless to how small they may appear to some people I am more than grateful for anything and everything that God brings into my life. But there has been a couple of things and mainly one thing in particular that I have been focusing all my energy on that has yet to appear in my life and a realized yesterday that one of the things holding me back is my need to criticize people or situations. If I am spending time complaining about a company or how someone else chooses to live their life then I am bringing negativity into my life which I do not want. Or it is blocking the flow or positivity that I am trying to bring into my life. I am praying and asking God everyday to help me to overcome this bad habit. Because even when I am doing it I know that it is a bad thing but part of me just feels the need to get it out and over with so I don't dwell on it. But I need to find a way to move past it. And remember to focus on being grateful.
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