Monday, January 30, 2012
Short story
But for now I would delight in the aroma while I prepared my eggs just the way I liked them.
Hmm you would think sitting at the kitchen table alone would seem out of the ordinary to me. Except on those few occasions he left to be with his brother he had sat across the table from me for the last twenty years or so. Wow had it been twenty..one..two..three…four…five. Twenty five years since my youngest had moved out. It’s a wonder I had tolerated his presence this long.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten so well. Most of the food I had cooked over the last few years had been bland and tasteless. Cutting out most of the salt and seasoning from the food I prepared I was amazed to find that I even had any when I looked through the cupboards as I prepared my breakfast. We never went out to eat because of our budget and it wasn’t like those worthless kids of mine ever came and took us out for an anniversary or birthday. Most of the time they would send a gift certificate to a restaurant that wasn’t even in out area. I had a drawer in the kitchen full of them. Plus it wouldn’t be worth it having to help him in and out of the car each time. The long drawn out walk behind the hostess he would have make to get to the table as she checked behind her every few seconds to make sure we were still there. At bingo I had been used to it. I made sure to get there about fifteen minutes early and I always seated him in the section where the other men sat. At bingo I was allowed a break. I am sure that at the restaurant it would not have looked appropriate for me to have sat at another table.
Besides he would have never found anything he wanted to eat on the menu anyways. It was like in his old age along with taste buds the life had been sucked out of him. Well I guess I had been responsible for part of that. But you know what I meant. He had been like an infant. Worse because at least a infant is fun to look at even the ones that were not so cute at least you can stand to look at them. He had become disgusting to me. An infant even though they needed your help to do everything only weighed about eight to ten pounds. Though he had lost weight over the years did of course weigh a considerable amount more. A newborn, you know, will eventually become strong and become more independent over the years. I knew that things were only going to get worse over the years he would only become more dependant of me.
But you know what he wasn’t here now and for a little while I should try to enjoy my meal without thinking of him. I know that I had taken his life but he was my husband. I guess I should find some time to grieve for him. Try to remember a time when things had been good and maybe say a few words. But right now I was going to thank God for the solitude and the wonderful meal that was set before me.
The eggs were delicious. I can’t believe I had ever given up eating them any other way. Toast with butter. I know I probably shouldn’t be eating the butter because I don’t even know when it was bought. But I didn’t care. What did they say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. I don’t know how old it was but it was delicious.
What was that sound? I hadn’t turned the TV on when I got up. No it wasn’t coming from the front room. It was coming from the back where the deep freezer was. I sat for a few seconds holding my breath waiting to hear it again. Nothing. Silence. Probably was the freezer it hadn’t been used in years maybe it was working the kinks out. Better go make sure it was working anyways. Never did check to see if it was getting cold after I had put him in earlier.
Yep it was working alright. He lay at the bottom of the freezer. Ice had already starting forming around his mouth were he a been drooling in his sleep. He didn’t look so comfortable though the space looked a little cramped. Well I wouldn’t be able to do anything about that now I guess I should have given it a little more thought when I first tossed him in. Maybe put in a pillow for his head. I should probably get him a throw blanket the one on the couch that he used at night before we got ready for bed. That way he would have something of his own.
The good new was the freezer was working. What if I had to buy another freezer there was only space for one and the delivery company would most likely try to take the old one or at least move it. Couldn’t have them wondering about the weight of a supposedly empty freezer.
I would get that throw blanket right after I finished my breakfast my coffee was getting cold.
Hmm you would think sitting at the kitchen table alone would seem out of the ordinary to me. Except on those few occasions he left to be with his brother he had sat across the table from me for the last twenty years or so. Wow had it been twenty..one..two..three…four…five. Twenty five years since my youngest had moved out. It’s a wonder I had tolerated his presence this long.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten so well. Most of the food I had cooked over the last few years had been bland and tasteless. Cutting out most of the salt and seasoning from the food I prepared I was amazed to find that I even had any when I looked through the cupboards as I prepared my breakfast. We never went out to eat because of our budget and it wasn’t like those worthless kids of mine ever came and took us out for an anniversary or birthday. Most of the time they would send a gift certificate to a restaurant that wasn’t even in out area. I had a drawer in the kitchen full of them. Plus it wouldn’t be worth it having to help him in and out of the car each time. The long drawn out walk behind the hostess he would have make to get to the table as she checked behind her every few seconds to make sure we were still there. At bingo I had been used to it. I made sure to get there about fifteen minutes early and I always seated him in the section where the other men sat. At bingo I was allowed a break. I am sure that at the restaurant it would not have looked appropriate for me to have sat at another table.
Besides he would have never found anything he wanted to eat on the menu anyways. It was like in his old age along with taste buds the life had been sucked out of him. Well I guess I had been responsible for part of that. But you know what I meant. He had been like an infant. Worse because at least a infant is fun to look at even the ones that were not so cute at least you can stand to look at them. He had become disgusting to me. An infant even though they needed your help to do everything only weighed about eight to ten pounds. Though he had lost weight over the years did of course weigh a considerable amount more. A newborn, you know, will eventually become strong and become more independent over the years. I knew that things were only going to get worse over the years he would only become more dependant of me.
But you know what he wasn’t here now and for a little while I should try to enjoy my meal without thinking of him. I know that I had taken his life but he was my husband. I guess I should find some time to grieve for him. Try to remember a time when things had been good and maybe say a few words. But right now I was going to thank God for the solitude and the wonderful meal that was set before me.
The eggs were delicious. I can’t believe I had ever given up eating them any other way. Toast with butter. I know I probably shouldn’t be eating the butter because I don’t even know when it was bought. But I didn’t care. What did they say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. I don’t know how old it was but it was delicious.
What was that sound? I hadn’t turned the TV on when I got up. No it wasn’t coming from the front room. It was coming from the back where the deep freezer was. I sat for a few seconds holding my breath waiting to hear it again. Nothing. Silence. Probably was the freezer it hadn’t been used in years maybe it was working the kinks out. Better go make sure it was working anyways. Never did check to see if it was getting cold after I had put him in earlier.
Yep it was working alright. He lay at the bottom of the freezer. Ice had already starting forming around his mouth were he a been drooling in his sleep. He didn’t look so comfortable though the space looked a little cramped. Well I wouldn’t be able to do anything about that now I guess I should have given it a little more thought when I first tossed him in. Maybe put in a pillow for his head. I should probably get him a throw blanket the one on the couch that he used at night before we got ready for bed. That way he would have something of his own.
The good new was the freezer was working. What if I had to buy another freezer there was only space for one and the delivery company would most likely try to take the old one or at least move it. Couldn’t have them wondering about the weight of a supposedly empty freezer.
I would get that throw blanket right after I finished my breakfast my coffee was getting cold.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I apologize to any faithful blog followers for the lapse in the posting over the last 3 weeks but I was without internet. You would think that I would have an update to my story but unfortunately I do not I didn't push myself to write during my hiatus. But I do promise an update within the next few days. Thanks to my viewers and I appreciate any and all comments.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Reverse Racism in America
I heard a gospel song the other day. It said that we had overcome. We made it past slavery we had overcome. We had a black president in office. We had overcome. Why is it that because the person that is in office happens to have a skin color different than his predecessors that should stand out as "us" overcoming? Maybe it is because I haven't had too many run ins with racism and I wasn't raised with my parents and grandparents pointing out that I am of a different race than those around me that the fact that Obama is in office does not stir something in me. I am glad that as a child that he had the dream to one day become president and that dream became true for him. But doesn't pointing out that he is black continue to keep us in the dark ages? Doesn't it continue to keep racism alive when we continue to to point out our differences. Are we not supposed believe that we are all created equal regardless of our sex or race.
Monday, January 2, 2012
More short story
Well I guess now no one would no he was dead and I needed to keep it that way. Can you imagine a woman my age having to go to prison. Hopefully a judge would think it a waste of time. But of course I would be so lucky. Maybe my lawyer could plead old age. That would be funny would make the nightly news interesting. I would hope that my favorite news reporter, that Debra something of other, would be the one to tell my story. How would those good for nothing kids of mine feel now knowing that they had left their father and I unattended for so long. Having to wonder what they could have done differently. It would show them their mother having made the nightly news.
I could just see Sarah Mrs. High and Mighty now, putting all the blame on her brother Jeff. She felt that because she lived farther away than he did and her job was more demanding that the responsibility of keeping check on the parents was his job. Never mind the fact she was the oldest and her demanding career was made able because her father and I paid for her education. Wait until the time came and she no longer had her career to keep her warm in bed and she looked to her children to be there for her in her “golden years.”
Any who I wasn’t in custody yet and I needed to start enjoying the life I had of being a single lady once again. Strange that word single. What did that mean to a woman of my age? It wasn’t as if I could put myself on the market even if I had wanted to. The only other gentlemen I knew were the ones we saw when we went out for bingo once of week. And if I had been interested in any of them which I wasn’t. They hadn’t been anymore appealing than my late husband. I guess single meant only having to take care of me. One person to cook for. One person in control of the remote control. One person to clean up after. Yeah I think I was going to enjoy being single.
Now what was I going to tell people. Wasn’t as if I was going to stay stuck in this house to avoid suspicion I still had to eat and I did not want to give up bingo but I know that nosy Mrs. Carter would start to wonder about not seeing us together. Couldn’t say he was in the hospital I would have to explain why there had been no ambulance. And she would want to go and visit. A few years back he had gone and stayed with his younger brother for a few weeks maybe that would work. That would be my story and if she wanted answers after a couple of weeks I would worry about that then.
Our Social Security check had come in the mail yesterday I would need to take that to the bank to be cashed. I would need to get some foods to fill up that freezer. Since I always went to the bank alone I shouldn’t have to worry about having to answer any questions today.
But first some breakfast for the newly widowed lady. Let’s see what’s on the menu today. I could make the coffee as strong as I liked. He never cared for strong coffee. He said it made him gassy and maybe he was right but it seemed to me everything made him gassy. No more watered down coffee and no more foul fumes being admitted from his derriere. Another pro added to my checklist not that I had any cons. I would have eggs scrambled with cheese and lots of pepper. Because of course cheese made him gassy. And pepper gave him heartburn. I would have to go out and stock up on a few other things I had given up over the years because of his diet restrictions and the budget that would not allow me to eat differently than he.
The aromas of the coffee brewing were mouth watering. I could not remember smelling anything as desirable in my life. If I had the memories had been lost. Just that smell, just that strong scent of the coffee brewing had been worth it. I could barely wait the few seconds more to taste what I had been missing all these years. But for now I would delight in the aroma.
I could just see Sarah Mrs. High and Mighty now, putting all the blame on her brother Jeff. She felt that because she lived farther away than he did and her job was more demanding that the responsibility of keeping check on the parents was his job. Never mind the fact she was the oldest and her demanding career was made able because her father and I paid for her education. Wait until the time came and she no longer had her career to keep her warm in bed and she looked to her children to be there for her in her “golden years.”
Any who I wasn’t in custody yet and I needed to start enjoying the life I had of being a single lady once again. Strange that word single. What did that mean to a woman of my age? It wasn’t as if I could put myself on the market even if I had wanted to. The only other gentlemen I knew were the ones we saw when we went out for bingo once of week. And if I had been interested in any of them which I wasn’t. They hadn’t been anymore appealing than my late husband. I guess single meant only having to take care of me. One person to cook for. One person in control of the remote control. One person to clean up after. Yeah I think I was going to enjoy being single.
Now what was I going to tell people. Wasn’t as if I was going to stay stuck in this house to avoid suspicion I still had to eat and I did not want to give up bingo but I know that nosy Mrs. Carter would start to wonder about not seeing us together. Couldn’t say he was in the hospital I would have to explain why there had been no ambulance. And she would want to go and visit. A few years back he had gone and stayed with his younger brother for a few weeks maybe that would work. That would be my story and if she wanted answers after a couple of weeks I would worry about that then.
Our Social Security check had come in the mail yesterday I would need to take that to the bank to be cashed. I would need to get some foods to fill up that freezer. Since I always went to the bank alone I shouldn’t have to worry about having to answer any questions today.
But first some breakfast for the newly widowed lady. Let’s see what’s on the menu today. I could make the coffee as strong as I liked. He never cared for strong coffee. He said it made him gassy and maybe he was right but it seemed to me everything made him gassy. No more watered down coffee and no more foul fumes being admitted from his derriere. Another pro added to my checklist not that I had any cons. I would have eggs scrambled with cheese and lots of pepper. Because of course cheese made him gassy. And pepper gave him heartburn. I would have to go out and stock up on a few other things I had given up over the years because of his diet restrictions and the budget that would not allow me to eat differently than he.
The aromas of the coffee brewing were mouth watering. I could not remember smelling anything as desirable in my life. If I had the memories had been lost. Just that smell, just that strong scent of the coffee brewing had been worth it. I could barely wait the few seconds more to taste what I had been missing all these years. But for now I would delight in the aroma.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Tips for Life from The Dali Lama:
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
- Respect for self,
- Respect for others and
- Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
6. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
7. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
8. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
9. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
10. If you want to be happy, practice compassion
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
- Respect for self,
- Respect for others and
- Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
6. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
7. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
8. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
9. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
10. If you want to be happy, practice compassion
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